2 Years Later...

D's 2nd Birthday Cake

Tonight, as I made hundreds of little stars on this -

I remembered where I was two years ago.  I've never documented what happened in writing, so I thought that I'd record my thoughts here.  2 years ago I was 7 1/2 months pregnant, had just finished a long winter break  with the two big kids home, my mother-in-law and other family members visiting, and the most intense back pain I'd ever experienced.  I had this upper back pain that was causing shortness of breath and made it so I could never sleep no matter where I was.  John and I had called my wonderful doctor several times and she recommended baths, putting my feet up, and some massage therapy, but nothing helped.

I figured it was just normal pregnancy pains and didn't think much of it other than I was super uncomfortable and felt HUGE!  I'd been following the gestational diabetes diet to the T and my blood levels were great, but I was still getting bigger.  It was frustrating. My feet had swelled to the point I had to buy these UGLY clogs and I finally had to start wearing maternity clothes.  The Monday (January 4th) after break I went back to work.  I was tired and Mom called to make sure that I was sitting down and taking it easy.  I informed her that I was working and that Kindergarteners didn't teach themselves after a two week break.  Mom said she was on her way up to the library and to "take it easy".  Apparently, when she got there I looked pretty horrible (her words - not mine).  My principal remarked to her that I didn't look so good and was surprised had how big I'd gotten over break. 

Since I had an appointment with my high-risk doctor that afternoon, Mom just wanted to make sure that John would be there - I found out later that she had a suspicion that the doctor was going to put me on bed rest and wanted someone there to keep me calm.  At the doctor's they put John in the special waiting room and took my weight and blood pressure.  Note to all pregnant people - get your blood pressure taken first - I am convinced that the reason my blood pressure soared as high as it did is because even after being on the stupid-no-chocolate-or-good-things-to-eat-over-Christmas diet I had been on I still had gained a bunch of weight.  Apparently John could hear my cry of disgust from the little waiting room.  When I saw the doctor he told me that he was concerned that my blood pressure was really high and that some of our little peanut's levels were a little off.  He told me that he wanted to do some overnight observations of me at the hospital (this is where my teacher mind started thinking "I can't take off, it's the 2nd day back from break - this can wait"), but that I could go home, shower and have dinner before checking in.  I started freaking out a little bit - not because of my health (which I learned much later is why John was freaking out) but because I had NO sub plans ready.  All of my teacher friends will understand that the first week back is often "revisit expectations" as a good majority of your plans - especially when you're trying to retrain 25 classes of students on how to use the library.  John told me later that he was pretty wigged out because he figured that I'd be there more than 1 day.

I had never been to the hospital overnight and didn't like the experience getting the IV in (3 different nurses failed - finally my wonderful anesthesiologist did it) or having people tell me to lie on my side and to calm down.  I was in a near panic after my doctor told me that she was going to give Little Peanut some medicine to make his lungs stronger and that I'd probably deliver the next day.  She also told me I'd developed something called HELLP syndrome - pretty much my body was rejecting being pregnant.  My blood pressure was 280/175.  I don't really know what that means - but John did and he was a bit freaked out.  Apparently (also found out MUCH later) the goal was to keep me alive long enough (and my liver functioning) for the baby's lungs to be strong enough to deliver.  I, on the other hand, was worried about the baby, my students, and my significant lack of sub plans for the week or for my maternity leave that was scheduled six weeks later.  My wonderful mother got a hold of my favorite sub and the two of them developed sub plans for the rest of the week and part of the next.  She also talked to my principal who talked to me and told me that my only worry should be about staying calm and the baby and that life at school could (and would) survive without me and to chill out, she'd take care of it. 

The rest of that night is a blur.  I know that Dad and John gave me a priesthood blessing telling me that all would go well, that the baby would be fine, that I would be fine, and that the doctors (both mine and the baby's) would do an excellent job.  John stayed with me the whole time, I know my parents and John's mom were nearby, but I don't really remember much else until the next morning.  I remember not getting breakfast and being wigged out that my blood sugar levels were going to be off (note to self - eat before going to the hospital, regardless of gestational diabetes).  I developed a migrane from not eating and stress and called my friend Heather (who was due in 2 1/2 weeks) to tell her I was going to deliver.  She informed me that her little girl had been born earlier in the morning - our kids were going to be birthday twins! 

Minutes before they wheeled me into delivery John and I finally settled on a name - despite the fact that we had ruled it out months earlier because of heathen students I had.  At that moment, it didn't matter and the name felt right.  The delivery it self was pretty non-eventful.  They gave me a spinal and immediately my headache went away and I felt good.  John never left my side after that and I remember hearing my little guy give out a walloping cry, they showed him briefly to me, and John left - at my insistence -  to make sure he got settled in the NICU.  The rest is a little blurry after that.  I remember waking up and being taken down to see him and thinking that he was a miracle. 

I remember holding him through the glass of his incubator and marveling that he was alive and doing so well, considering everything that went on to get him to this earth.  I remember thinking that I was the luckiest woman on earth to have him and feeling awed by the overwhelming sense of responsibility and love I felt for him.  I remember thinking that he was beautiful and that he looked like John. 

So, as I made tiny little stars on a Winnie the Pooh cake tonight, I was reminded of how good life is.  I'm not in pain like I was two years ago.  I have an amazing husband who loves and supports me.  I have two wonderful step-children that are fun to be around and that are growing up to be good people.  I have son who I cherish, who teaches me something new about life and about myself each day.  I love watching him learn, experience, discover and become.  He is a little miracle, in so many ways, and I am grateful to have him in our lives. 

Okay, enough gushing.  Sometimes I get a little too contemplative for my own good.  I know this was all about me, but I promise tomorrow (or when I get to posting it) will all be about Lil' D and his accomplishments this year.